Caleb: "You know what Jesus is working on right now?" Big sigh, eyes sparkling. This is coming out of nowhere.
Me: "What's he working on, Caleb?"
Caleb: "He's making houses made of..." dramatic pause "... PURE GOLD! And all the streets are made of the best gold! And we get to be there!" His voice is trembling with excitement and anticipation, as if it were Christmas Eve all over again. "And then, there's this book with everyone's name in it! Except for people who don't love God," said with a downcast face, which soon brightens. "And maybe we'll get to see our own names written in it!"
I don't have any pictures of this moment to show you, and it doesn't matter, because there's no way any earthly camera could have captured that look of love and anticipation from this child of the King. He was literally glowing, more radiantly than the purest of gold. His mind is so often fixed heavenward.
***
Lily, as we're driving past a lake on the way to her speech class: "Mom, that lake is all icey!"
Me: "Yes, Lily, it's so cold outside, the lake froze up!"
Lily: "We need to get a humpback whale to break up all the ice with his tail!" (I'm guessing she's watched an episode too many of "Go, Diego, Go," whose animal friends often come to the rescue.)
Me: "That's a great idea, Lily, except we don't have any humpback whales in Michigan."
Lily: "We can go to China and get one!" (That would be quite the interesting plane ride home...)
***
Seth, trying to coax me to sit on the couch with him and turn on the cartoons: "Mom, you come with me, please? Mom, you come to the couch? See, I kiss your hand." Then he kisses my hand. Big pause, as he considers his next offer. "See, I zerbert your other hand." And he lays on a bumpy one. He squeezes my hands and smiles at me, looking deep into my eyes. Yes, of course I sat on the couch with him and watched cartoons. He was a very content little boy, snuggled in the crook of his mommy's arm, and I felt drunk with love as his warm, sweet body pressed up next to me. It doesn't take much to buy off this fool-in-love mommy.
***
I hate to not have a Gabriel-conversation to share with you, but I honestly can't think of anything he and I have talked about the past couple of days! (Cue pangs of guilt.) It's just been the normal day to day stuff, like, "Mom, what's for dinner?"..."What else?"..."How many bites do I have to eat to get a snack?"..."Can I just have a sandwich instead?" This morning, I did make him some scrambled eggs for breakfast, and I scored a "Your the best mom in the world!" complete with a tilt of the head, sweet up-turn of the lips, and dreamy eyes. Ladies, the way to this boy's heart goes straight through his stomach...IF what you're serving meets his strict set of rules for his delicate, picky-as-all-get-out palate: no sauce, no green seasonings, nothing not completely identifiable, no more than one food group per dish, no two items touching or occupying similar space, no vegetable except for raw carrots and celery or cooked corn, no calling meat of any category anything other than "meat, hamburger or chicken", no crusts, and unless it's a fruit, use lots of pepper. Simple!
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Thursday, January 24, 2008
40 Fast::Days 11-17
Today is Day 17. The past week has flown by, not really from busy-ness, although there is always that, but from lots of decisions and praying and more decisions. The worst part is that we are in a bit of a flux, and some of the decisions are not ours to make, so we must wait to even let anyone know "Here's what God is doing."
I can say this: sometimes God closes every single door around you. You try all the handles. One by one, you get the same result: locked. You're starting to sweat and feel hopeless, helpless, trapped. Finally you're standing before the last door. You reach out a trembling hand, and somewhat to your surprise, and somewhat at your expectation--it is after all the last door, and God never abandons you to nowhere and nothingness--the handle turns. You are scared at what you might find behind that door, but when you turn back to look at all the locked doors behind you, you know that God has used those dead ends to lead you to this very door. This is your door. You open it, and it leads to another door, also unlocked, and another and another. But before you burst through each doorway into something completely new and a little terrifying, you must test this against His word and pray and continue to seek Him. It's not about that door, but about Him already waiting for you on the other side, beckoning you. And in the midst of seeking, you realize that perhaps these are the doors, if given total free choice, you would have chosen all along. And so you walk through hesitantly. And until another door closes and locks, you continue through the maze.
This is where Rob and I are. We don't feel like we can openly share with everyone where we think God might be leading us, until we've made sure none of the doors standing in front of us are locked.
My Scripture reading from last night spoke of the time when the disciples were out on a boat by themselves and a sudden storm came up. Jesus was off by himself praying. In the midst of their terror, they spotted Jesus walking toward them on top of the water. At first they thought it was ghost. Not only was the storm overtaking them, but now they're going to be ravaged by an evil spirit, so they thought. But Jesus said, "It is I. Don't be afraid." The very thing they were so afraid of turned out to be their only hope and best friend. That's when Peter joined Jesus on top of the water, and as he looked at his circumstance, you know, squalling waves and wind, he began to fear again and started to sink. Jesus had mercy on him, reached down and saved him, then climbed aboard the boat and rebuked the storm into nonexistence. It wasn't long before all this happened that the disciples had encountered another storm, but that time, Jesus was on the boat with them, sleeping. They cried out to him as he was physically right there, and Jesus calmed the storm. I've often wondered why this happened again. The same 12 guys, the same rickety boat, the same type of deadly storm. But this time Jesus wasn't there. Yet, he still protected them from the storm. He knew exactly where they were and that they were having trouble. (Surely from he could see the storm clouds brewing overhead...)and he still rescued them, showing even more of his power as he walked on top of the water.
Jesus was taking their faith from a faith in what they could see, to a faith in what they could not see. Was Jesus any less present during the second storm?
These stormy times here are similar for me. I haven't been able to feel his presence and direction. I've felt lost and tired and overcome by waves of hardship. But Jesus has never been absent. The storms do not come as a surprise to him.
And I think I see him in the distance, walking towards us.
I can say this: sometimes God closes every single door around you. You try all the handles. One by one, you get the same result: locked. You're starting to sweat and feel hopeless, helpless, trapped. Finally you're standing before the last door. You reach out a trembling hand, and somewhat to your surprise, and somewhat at your expectation--it is after all the last door, and God never abandons you to nowhere and nothingness--the handle turns. You are scared at what you might find behind that door, but when you turn back to look at all the locked doors behind you, you know that God has used those dead ends to lead you to this very door. This is your door. You open it, and it leads to another door, also unlocked, and another and another. But before you burst through each doorway into something completely new and a little terrifying, you must test this against His word and pray and continue to seek Him. It's not about that door, but about Him already waiting for you on the other side, beckoning you. And in the midst of seeking, you realize that perhaps these are the doors, if given total free choice, you would have chosen all along. And so you walk through hesitantly. And until another door closes and locks, you continue through the maze.
This is where Rob and I are. We don't feel like we can openly share with everyone where we think God might be leading us, until we've made sure none of the doors standing in front of us are locked.
My Scripture reading from last night spoke of the time when the disciples were out on a boat by themselves and a sudden storm came up. Jesus was off by himself praying. In the midst of their terror, they spotted Jesus walking toward them on top of the water. At first they thought it was ghost. Not only was the storm overtaking them, but now they're going to be ravaged by an evil spirit, so they thought. But Jesus said, "It is I. Don't be afraid." The very thing they were so afraid of turned out to be their only hope and best friend. That's when Peter joined Jesus on top of the water, and as he looked at his circumstance, you know, squalling waves and wind, he began to fear again and started to sink. Jesus had mercy on him, reached down and saved him, then climbed aboard the boat and rebuked the storm into nonexistence. It wasn't long before all this happened that the disciples had encountered another storm, but that time, Jesus was on the boat with them, sleeping. They cried out to him as he was physically right there, and Jesus calmed the storm. I've often wondered why this happened again. The same 12 guys, the same rickety boat, the same type of deadly storm. But this time Jesus wasn't there. Yet, he still protected them from the storm. He knew exactly where they were and that they were having trouble. (Surely from he could see the storm clouds brewing overhead...)and he still rescued them, showing even more of his power as he walked on top of the water.
Jesus was taking their faith from a faith in what they could see, to a faith in what they could not see. Was Jesus any less present during the second storm?
These stormy times here are similar for me. I haven't been able to feel his presence and direction. I've felt lost and tired and overcome by waves of hardship. But Jesus has never been absent. The storms do not come as a surprise to him.
And I think I see him in the distance, walking towards us.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
40-Day Fast::Days 4 thru 10
Last week was really hard. But I guess if this were easy, it wouldn't be of that much worth to the Lord, and I want this sacrifice to be a costly gift to him.
Physically: we're doing just fine. In just the past two days I've found myself having more energy and not feel so whipped. The mornings are a little sluggish, though, and it takes me a longer to get going. I now have to remind myself to drink my water and mealtime cup of juice. Today, I forgot to drink anything until after 2:00 p.m.
Spiritually: we're growing and deepening. We see God's mercies every day all around us. Personally, I feel really close to Jesus throughout the day, like he's following me around, whispering guidance and love into my ear throughout the day. I know he's always with us, but his presence beside me is sometimes palpable. You know how you feel when your spouse is home from work early and your normal routine feels different or perhaps must now become different? How just having him in the house, even if he's hanging out in the office the whole time and you're not even talking, makes your home feel complete and your heart content? It's like that.
Rob and I have had some really intimate prayer times together. My prayers always seem weak and feeble bumped up next to his amazing ones that brim with eloquence, Scripture and faith. But I know God doesn't mind. "The only way to fail in prayer is to not show up." (From "Prayer" by Philip Yancey, I forget the page number.)
And today God has let in a tiny beam of light from a slightly cracked-open door. Ours? We pray on, with our trembling hands on the doorknob.
Physically: we're doing just fine. In just the past two days I've found myself having more energy and not feel so whipped. The mornings are a little sluggish, though, and it takes me a longer to get going. I now have to remind myself to drink my water and mealtime cup of juice. Today, I forgot to drink anything until after 2:00 p.m.
Spiritually: we're growing and deepening. We see God's mercies every day all around us. Personally, I feel really close to Jesus throughout the day, like he's following me around, whispering guidance and love into my ear throughout the day. I know he's always with us, but his presence beside me is sometimes palpable. You know how you feel when your spouse is home from work early and your normal routine feels different or perhaps must now become different? How just having him in the house, even if he's hanging out in the office the whole time and you're not even talking, makes your home feel complete and your heart content? It's like that.
Rob and I have had some really intimate prayer times together. My prayers always seem weak and feeble bumped up next to his amazing ones that brim with eloquence, Scripture and faith. But I know God doesn't mind. "The only way to fail in prayer is to not show up." (From "Prayer" by Philip Yancey, I forget the page number.)
And today God has let in a tiny beam of light from a slightly cracked-open door. Ours? We pray on, with our trembling hands on the doorknob.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
40 Day Fast::Day 3
Today I spent a lot of time searching. Not just searching for the remote control (Caleb is a complete remote hog!) or where Seth may have stashed Rob's lawnmower key...the only one we have.
The search is based on this reflecting question: Are there dark spots in my heart that may be keeping God from answering my prayers?
I asked God today to reveal my sins, even the teeniest of them, so that I could confess them to him and repent. Um, let's just say that God wasn't silent today. There's a lot of chaff in my life! Impatience, un-gentleness, laziness, worldliness, dishonesty...I could go on, and God DID go on, but this is awfully public and painfully personal.
I can't tell you that God is gripping us punitively by the shoulder because of these, but I can say with certainty that it doesn't matter how small the sin is, it keeps us away from God. Sure, I know when I'm being rebellious, and at the end of the day, I do feel sorry for whatever it is, yelling at one of the kids or choosing not to do something I know would be a blessing to my family just because I don't feel like it or watching a television show that dishonors God, and I do confess these to God. But I seem to be just as impatient or lazy or worldly the next day. Am I abusing God's grace???? God, please forgive me!!! I know that I can't be perfect, but I also know that I can make a better effort in many areas of my life.
Thank-you, God for the sacrifice of Jesus. I know that when you look at me, you see a daughter redeemed. But you are calling me to a deeper life...and I wanna go!
The search is based on this reflecting question: Are there dark spots in my heart that may be keeping God from answering my prayers?
I asked God today to reveal my sins, even the teeniest of them, so that I could confess them to him and repent. Um, let's just say that God wasn't silent today. There's a lot of chaff in my life! Impatience, un-gentleness, laziness, worldliness, dishonesty...I could go on, and God DID go on, but this is awfully public and painfully personal.
I can't tell you that God is gripping us punitively by the shoulder because of these, but I can say with certainty that it doesn't matter how small the sin is, it keeps us away from God. Sure, I know when I'm being rebellious, and at the end of the day, I do feel sorry for whatever it is, yelling at one of the kids or choosing not to do something I know would be a blessing to my family just because I don't feel like it or watching a television show that dishonors God, and I do confess these to God. But I seem to be just as impatient or lazy or worldly the next day. Am I abusing God's grace???? God, please forgive me!!! I know that I can't be perfect, but I also know that I can make a better effort in many areas of my life.
Thank-you, God for the sacrifice of Jesus. I know that when you look at me, you see a daughter redeemed. But you are calling me to a deeper life...and I wanna go!
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
40 Day Fast::Day 2
I thought today would be harder than it is. Sure, we're a little hungry, but the pangs are certainly not unbearable. My heart breaks for those families all over the world, even here in the prosperous US of A who do not get enough to eat. I'm a grown-up, and I can handle this, but I would be beside myself if any of my children had to go hungry. How many mothers across the world have to look into big,hungry eyes and not be able to meet that basic need for their children? The Church needs to work harder to do something about that...I need to do something about that.
Part of my prayer time during this fast has included praying through some of the Psalms. One of today's was Psalm 61. I found great comfort in the words of lament that my own soul could not have expressed without help. "Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer. From the ends of the earth I call to you. I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe. I long to dwell in your tent forever and take refuge in the shelter of your wings." That is indeed my heart and my prayer today.
We've had a substantial amount of flooding in nearby areas this week. Last week we received around 16 inches of snow, and then the temperatures shot up to the 60's, melting the white mounds. Then several inches of rain fell. It's so bad that many schools were closed or delayed. Many, many roads are closed. Yesterday morning in a nearby town, a young mother and her five children attempted to cross a flooded road in her Chevy Tahoe (not a small vehicle) and was overcome by the current, which pulled her truck into seven feet of water. The children were all very young, ages three months to five years old. The mother was only able to save three of them; the two-year-old and the five-year-old drowned. My heart is so broken for her and her husband. Will she ever be able to forgive herself for her error in judgement? It's truly my worst Mother-Nightmare come true.
The next chapter of, "Incredible Moments With the Savior" talked about the royal official who approached Jesus to heal his dying child. The man was one of Herod's men, probably very wealthy, and he was probably used to using his wealth and his position to get whatever he wanted. But when his precious son fell ill, he could neither buy nor command health. I think he would have traded every last coin and given up his illustrious career to make his child well, to save him from dying. Then as a last ditch resort, he travels to where a homeless man named Jesus was teaching. He had heard rumors that Jesus had healed some people, and he didn't care that he was a Jew. The life of his child was at stake. Nothing else mattered. He was not above begging for help.
Of course Jesus healed the official's son. He sent him on his way, telling him that the child would live. On the way home, a servant met him and shared the amazing news that his little boy's fever had left...the same time Jesus had spoken to him the day before.
Today as I prayed for God's provision, I was reminded of the young mother who will never get to tuck two of her precious children into bed again. I thought about all the mothers whose children are going to bed hungry tonight, and how helpless they must feel. And I thought about the Roman official whose money could not buy him that which was most important to him.
We have four beautiful children who are healthy and smart and loving. I fed each of them three meals, plus snacks, plus "more juice, please" today. And I know that I will have enough to do the same tomorrow.
I gotta tell ya, I feel like the richest woman in the world right now!
Part of my prayer time during this fast has included praying through some of the Psalms. One of today's was Psalm 61. I found great comfort in the words of lament that my own soul could not have expressed without help. "Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer. From the ends of the earth I call to you. I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe. I long to dwell in your tent forever and take refuge in the shelter of your wings." That is indeed my heart and my prayer today.
We've had a substantial amount of flooding in nearby areas this week. Last week we received around 16 inches of snow, and then the temperatures shot up to the 60's, melting the white mounds. Then several inches of rain fell. It's so bad that many schools were closed or delayed. Many, many roads are closed. Yesterday morning in a nearby town, a young mother and her five children attempted to cross a flooded road in her Chevy Tahoe (not a small vehicle) and was overcome by the current, which pulled her truck into seven feet of water. The children were all very young, ages three months to five years old. The mother was only able to save three of them; the two-year-old and the five-year-old drowned. My heart is so broken for her and her husband. Will she ever be able to forgive herself for her error in judgement? It's truly my worst Mother-Nightmare come true.
The next chapter of, "Incredible Moments With the Savior" talked about the royal official who approached Jesus to heal his dying child. The man was one of Herod's men, probably very wealthy, and he was probably used to using his wealth and his position to get whatever he wanted. But when his precious son fell ill, he could neither buy nor command health. I think he would have traded every last coin and given up his illustrious career to make his child well, to save him from dying. Then as a last ditch resort, he travels to where a homeless man named Jesus was teaching. He had heard rumors that Jesus had healed some people, and he didn't care that he was a Jew. The life of his child was at stake. Nothing else mattered. He was not above begging for help.
Of course Jesus healed the official's son. He sent him on his way, telling him that the child would live. On the way home, a servant met him and shared the amazing news that his little boy's fever had left...the same time Jesus had spoken to him the day before.
Today as I prayed for God's provision, I was reminded of the young mother who will never get to tuck two of her precious children into bed again. I thought about all the mothers whose children are going to bed hungry tonight, and how helpless they must feel. And I thought about the Roman official whose money could not buy him that which was most important to him.
We have four beautiful children who are healthy and smart and loving. I fed each of them three meals, plus snacks, plus "more juice, please" today. And I know that I will have enough to do the same tomorrow.
I gotta tell ya, I feel like the richest woman in the world right now!
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
40-Day Fast::Day 1
Today was a little hard, but not too bad. I had to stop myself from licking the strawberry jam off my fingers when I made the kids' lunch.
I must admit, I knew for sure that I was going to have a craving for Saylor's chicken ranch pizza during this journey, so yesterday, before the fast started, the kids and I went out for pizza for lunch. And I bought a little Christmas chocolate from the clearance aisle. Hey, I know what I was going to be thinking about, and I wanted to ward off temptation...by giving into it before it was wrong! :o) "To thine ownself be true," quips Polonius, Hamlet's older and wiser friend, who surely would have nodded his approval at the Ghiradelli squares.
I'm reading a book called, "Incredible Moments With the Savior: Learning to See" by Ken Gire. Today's encounter with Jesus revealed a bit of his compassion and self-sacrifice through the miracle of turning water into wine at the Canaan weding feast. Such an odd first public miracle, I used to think. But I see how perfect it was. The water jugs that Jesus commanded be filled with water were not meant to hold anything valuable. They just held water for the ceremonial washing of the guests feet. However, Jesus gave them new purpose by turning ordinary water into choice wine, the best of the best, in the same way that He came to give the Jewish law new purpose: not as a set of to-do's to get into God's favor, but to show our desperate need for Jesus and God's grace to forgive us for never being able to fully measure up.
Jesus can take this dull and ordinary vessel and give it a greater purpose! What hope!
More than that, Jesus' compassion for the wedding host, who would never have been able to live down the embarrassment of running out of wine before the end of the wedding celebration, far out-weighed his own personal cost of performing this miracle. Yes, there was a cost, for as soon as he did it, "Jesus crossed the Rubicon--that river of no return. The die was cast. The clock was wound. It would begin ticking down to the final hour of his destiny and set in motion the gears that would ultimately enmesh him and cost him his life. For the wine he provided at Cana would hasten the cup he would one day drink at the cross" (Gire 6).
Can you see how much he loves us???
I leave the end of day one feeling completely loved by God. (And only a little hungry.)
I must admit, I knew for sure that I was going to have a craving for Saylor's chicken ranch pizza during this journey, so yesterday, before the fast started, the kids and I went out for pizza for lunch. And I bought a little Christmas chocolate from the clearance aisle. Hey, I know what I was going to be thinking about, and I wanted to ward off temptation...by giving into it before it was wrong! :o) "To thine ownself be true," quips Polonius, Hamlet's older and wiser friend, who surely would have nodded his approval at the Ghiradelli squares.
I'm reading a book called, "Incredible Moments With the Savior: Learning to See" by Ken Gire. Today's encounter with Jesus revealed a bit of his compassion and self-sacrifice through the miracle of turning water into wine at the Canaan weding feast. Such an odd first public miracle, I used to think. But I see how perfect it was. The water jugs that Jesus commanded be filled with water were not meant to hold anything valuable. They just held water for the ceremonial washing of the guests feet. However, Jesus gave them new purpose by turning ordinary water into choice wine, the best of the best, in the same way that He came to give the Jewish law new purpose: not as a set of to-do's to get into God's favor, but to show our desperate need for Jesus and God's grace to forgive us for never being able to fully measure up.
Jesus can take this dull and ordinary vessel and give it a greater purpose! What hope!
More than that, Jesus' compassion for the wedding host, who would never have been able to live down the embarrassment of running out of wine before the end of the wedding celebration, far out-weighed his own personal cost of performing this miracle. Yes, there was a cost, for as soon as he did it, "Jesus crossed the Rubicon--that river of no return. The die was cast. The clock was wound. It would begin ticking down to the final hour of his destiny and set in motion the gears that would ultimately enmesh him and cost him his life. For the wine he provided at Cana would hasten the cup he would one day drink at the cross" (Gire 6).
Can you see how much he loves us???
I leave the end of day one feeling completely loved by God. (And only a little hungry.)
40-Day Fast::Prelude
Okay, it's been almost forever since I've talked to you. Sorry. Christmas really kicked my rear. I hope I can say that without sounding completely bah-humbug, because I'm not scroogey in the least. I love Christmas, truly, I do.
In fact, my tree is still up and lit. Yeah, I'll probably take it down sometime this week, but I don't think I was really able to enjoy it with my full schedule until after Christmas was finished. The mom for whose two children I babysit took last week off from work, so HURRAY, I actually got a bit of a break! The kids and I basically spent the whole week recovering from merry-making.
I do have one bit of SAD news concerning Christmas: Seth erased every single one of my Christmas pictures from our digital camera! I was, and still am, devestated; but then again, I'm the ding dong who put off uploading them from the disk to our computer. Arg. I did get our family's present-time recorded on the video recorder, but it's a little hard to scrap book video. If only I had caught up with him and the camera two minutes earlier. Ah, well, nothing to be done about that now.
So, back to today's entry title.
Rob and I are at a crossroads in our ministry here in Dowagiac. When God moved us up here three and a half years ago, we knew that we would be taking a risk. Many factors contributed: the church was a realtively new church plant with few footholds in the community; they couldn't afford to pay our growing family a full-time salary, so Rob would need to keep his appraisal business; and they had no permanant meeting place. But God saw us through so many of those obstacles. We were excited about building a church from the ground up. In fact, in the year preceeding our move, we felt God pulling our hearts toward church-planting. This church was basically a restart. Secondly, Rob's business was still strong, and the flexibility of self-employment allowed for him to work full time in the minsitry uncompromisingly. And thirdly, we were able, with some help from the district, to finish the inside of the pole building on our property into a lovely church building, small but totally charming and completely adequate.
It would seem that God was clearing the path before us and the church, and we were so excited about what He might have planned for this ministry.
Fast-forward to today. We've spent three and a half years building friendships and connections and involving ourselves in the community, but don't have nearly as much to show for it as we would like. We have a couple of families that attend because of our seed-planting, but we've lost more families than we've gained, putting our church in an even more challenging situation, finacially and otherwise. It's hard to attract people to a small church! There's certainly no blending into the pews at Pathway! (Especially since we don't have pews...) Secondly, to say that the real estate market has plummeted would be a gross understatement. Every year that we've been here, Rob has done half the business of the year before. This year, he has taken on several other odd jobs, but the total income still does not make ends meet...and he's running in many different directions, making it seemingly impossible to meet all of the demands of family and ministry all the while trying to earn enough survive. So what's the point??? There's a lot riding on our shoulders, you know, carrying the mortgage that allows our church to have a meeting place.
So here we are. We've prayed. A lot. We've searched scriptures. We've sought wise counsel. God has been cryptically silent. We have got to have some answers and direction. God must intervene lest everything around us crumbles. Yet, through all this, neither of us feel released from this ministry. We're exhausted, yes. But both of us feel like God is not going to send us AWAY from this unless He's sending us TO something else. I hope the meaning of that comes across in my flat writing. We don't feel like he is going to send us away defeated. Neither of us is panicking, either. Last year, at this time, we were. And we're still here. God has strengthened our faith, so that today's desert journey has not scourched our souls to the point of despair.
I'm making myself, and my family, very vulnerable right now. Humility is about all we have left. All we want to do is make a difference in this community for Christ.
The year before we came to Pathway, Rob and I embarked on 40-Day fast. We both felt compelled to do this, to prepare our hearts for whatever ministry He was calling us to, to seek His direction whole-heartedly. I brought it up a few weeks ago, that maybe we should do another extended fast, and Rob had been thinking the same thing. There's nothing magical about a fast, certainly nothing formulaic about it. We don't serve a formulaic God. But for some reason, fasting does get God's attention, and it absolutely gets our attention.
We need God's hand of blessing! If He has moved it, we must move, too. If something...us or the enemy...is creating a wall between our family and God's blessing, we must remove that wall.
So, today is day 1 of our 40 day fast. I'm telling you all this so that:
::you can pray for us! We are completely desperate for the prayers of other believers.
::you can hold us accountable. It's a little harder to cheat if others know about it.
::I can share with you the way God is reaching out to sustain us and best of all speak to us.
Since we've done this before, we know a lot of what to expect. For example, the hardest days of the fast are days 2 thru 4. Your body is figuring out, hey, something's going on here...FEED ME! Lots of stomach cramps, crabbiness, weakness. After about the 4th day, your body has figured out that no amount of complaining is going to work, and so it stops asking for food. You really just stop getting hungry. We're also prepared to be FREEZING (our last fast also fell in January) as well as dealing with severely itchy and dry skin. At about day 38 or 39, the body starts to go into starvation, and you feel hunger again. It's important to listen to those cues and resume eating...slowly easing back into solid foods.
Those are just some of the physical aspects.
The spiritual rewards are great throughout. God really does speak. He really does want to be found by true seekers. I'll go into more about all this as I reflect on this daily.
Please don't worry about us. We are keeping completely hydrated. We are allowing ourselves to have some fruit and vegetable juice throughout the day, and we're taking vitamins.
I hope to walk away from this refreshed in my spirit from having spent so much intentional time with my Lord, and I pray that He will shed a light on this darkening path before us.
In fact, my tree is still up and lit. Yeah, I'll probably take it down sometime this week, but I don't think I was really able to enjoy it with my full schedule until after Christmas was finished. The mom for whose two children I babysit took last week off from work, so HURRAY, I actually got a bit of a break! The kids and I basically spent the whole week recovering from merry-making.
I do have one bit of SAD news concerning Christmas: Seth erased every single one of my Christmas pictures from our digital camera! I was, and still am, devestated; but then again, I'm the ding dong who put off uploading them from the disk to our computer. Arg. I did get our family's present-time recorded on the video recorder, but it's a little hard to scrap book video. If only I had caught up with him and the camera two minutes earlier. Ah, well, nothing to be done about that now.
So, back to today's entry title.
Rob and I are at a crossroads in our ministry here in Dowagiac. When God moved us up here three and a half years ago, we knew that we would be taking a risk. Many factors contributed: the church was a realtively new church plant with few footholds in the community; they couldn't afford to pay our growing family a full-time salary, so Rob would need to keep his appraisal business; and they had no permanant meeting place. But God saw us through so many of those obstacles. We were excited about building a church from the ground up. In fact, in the year preceeding our move, we felt God pulling our hearts toward church-planting. This church was basically a restart. Secondly, Rob's business was still strong, and the flexibility of self-employment allowed for him to work full time in the minsitry uncompromisingly. And thirdly, we were able, with some help from the district, to finish the inside of the pole building on our property into a lovely church building, small but totally charming and completely adequate.
It would seem that God was clearing the path before us and the church, and we were so excited about what He might have planned for this ministry.
Fast-forward to today. We've spent three and a half years building friendships and connections and involving ourselves in the community, but don't have nearly as much to show for it as we would like. We have a couple of families that attend because of our seed-planting, but we've lost more families than we've gained, putting our church in an even more challenging situation, finacially and otherwise. It's hard to attract people to a small church! There's certainly no blending into the pews at Pathway! (Especially since we don't have pews...) Secondly, to say that the real estate market has plummeted would be a gross understatement. Every year that we've been here, Rob has done half the business of the year before. This year, he has taken on several other odd jobs, but the total income still does not make ends meet...and he's running in many different directions, making it seemingly impossible to meet all of the demands of family and ministry all the while trying to earn enough survive. So what's the point??? There's a lot riding on our shoulders, you know, carrying the mortgage that allows our church to have a meeting place.
So here we are. We've prayed. A lot. We've searched scriptures. We've sought wise counsel. God has been cryptically silent. We have got to have some answers and direction. God must intervene lest everything around us crumbles. Yet, through all this, neither of us feel released from this ministry. We're exhausted, yes. But both of us feel like God is not going to send us AWAY from this unless He's sending us TO something else. I hope the meaning of that comes across in my flat writing. We don't feel like he is going to send us away defeated. Neither of us is panicking, either. Last year, at this time, we were. And we're still here. God has strengthened our faith, so that today's desert journey has not scourched our souls to the point of despair.
I'm making myself, and my family, very vulnerable right now. Humility is about all we have left. All we want to do is make a difference in this community for Christ.
The year before we came to Pathway, Rob and I embarked on 40-Day fast. We both felt compelled to do this, to prepare our hearts for whatever ministry He was calling us to, to seek His direction whole-heartedly. I brought it up a few weeks ago, that maybe we should do another extended fast, and Rob had been thinking the same thing. There's nothing magical about a fast, certainly nothing formulaic about it. We don't serve a formulaic God. But for some reason, fasting does get God's attention, and it absolutely gets our attention.
We need God's hand of blessing! If He has moved it, we must move, too. If something...us or the enemy...is creating a wall between our family and God's blessing, we must remove that wall.
So, today is day 1 of our 40 day fast. I'm telling you all this so that:
::you can pray for us! We are completely desperate for the prayers of other believers.
::you can hold us accountable. It's a little harder to cheat if others know about it.
::I can share with you the way God is reaching out to sustain us and best of all speak to us.
Since we've done this before, we know a lot of what to expect. For example, the hardest days of the fast are days 2 thru 4. Your body is figuring out, hey, something's going on here...FEED ME! Lots of stomach cramps, crabbiness, weakness. After about the 4th day, your body has figured out that no amount of complaining is going to work, and so it stops asking for food. You really just stop getting hungry. We're also prepared to be FREEZING (our last fast also fell in January) as well as dealing with severely itchy and dry skin. At about day 38 or 39, the body starts to go into starvation, and you feel hunger again. It's important to listen to those cues and resume eating...slowly easing back into solid foods.
Those are just some of the physical aspects.
The spiritual rewards are great throughout. God really does speak. He really does want to be found by true seekers. I'll go into more about all this as I reflect on this daily.
Please don't worry about us. We are keeping completely hydrated. We are allowing ourselves to have some fruit and vegetable juice throughout the day, and we're taking vitamins.
I hope to walk away from this refreshed in my spirit from having spent so much intentional time with my Lord, and I pray that He will shed a light on this darkening path before us.
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
P.S. New Job Possibility
I wanted to update those of you who were thinking of me and praying for me during my impromptu job supervising a non-custodial parental visit.
The visit went really well. The dad was extremely emotional, and I struggled holding back tears of my own. It was upbeat and positive. And I'm actually going to be supervising a visit with the same family again this weekend.
Also, there is a possibility of more work like this for me in the future. It's rough, emotionally, but I think it will be good. I'm in contact with someone...
I prayed for him, the kids, and the mom throughout the whole visit.
I can't imagine that being a bad thing for a broken family...
Thanks for your prayers!!!
The visit went really well. The dad was extremely emotional, and I struggled holding back tears of my own. It was upbeat and positive. And I'm actually going to be supervising a visit with the same family again this weekend.
Also, there is a possibility of more work like this for me in the future. It's rough, emotionally, but I think it will be good. I'm in contact with someone...
I prayed for him, the kids, and the mom throughout the whole visit.
I can't imagine that being a bad thing for a broken family...
Thanks for your prayers!!!
Snow Day
I'm thinking of you today, Jeny! I know that ground cover in December absolutely delights your heart. I'm putting on some Christmas music, heating up the tea kettle and thinking of you today!
Oh, and bundling up four little people for some outdoor play.
Oh, and bundling up four little people for some outdoor play.
Float
It's Wednesday. The Candlelight Christmas parade is Friday. In two days.
Did I tell you that Pathway enters a float into the parade every year? This will be our 4th parade since we moved here. The first year, Seth was only two months old. So natually, we thought, Live Nativity. (Okay, so maybe that's not the "natural" first thought the average mother of a newborn has. I think that natural first thought is, "I'll stay home with the baby." Maybe I'm not so average.) Anyway, our generator stopped working, so none of the strings of lights we painstakingly hung were lit. (Lights are kind of important in a nighttime Christmas parade.) But we did have paperbag luminaries, each filled with sand that anchored a small candle. The kids were dressed as shepherds, a couple of grownups were wisemen, a Joseph was thrown in there, and I was Mary holding a very red-headed baby Jesus, who thankfully slept through the whole parade. I was so thankful, because I didn't really have a plan B if baby Jesus was uncooperative. Oh, and we all sat on bales of hay on a trailer, pulled by a pick-up truck. So, why did I think that real candles and dry bales of hay and small children were a perfect parade combination? Thank the Lord none of the little shepherds set the float ablaze. And the luminaries were actually as charming and lovely as can be, and we won a little trophy for our float as the Chambers of Commerce Choice award. Fun. Kind of. It was FREEEZING.
The year after, we set up a little living room scene with a Christmas tree and sofa and had the families huddled together. Last year, we set up rows of chairs around a Christmas tree and the kids all held battery operated candles. We also made two signs that said, "PATHWAY," with the "T" shaped like a cross, out of Christmas lights.
This year...we have no idea.
We still have no headway into our float. Basic problem? We don't have a float. Basic solution to problem? Find a float.
The fellow who loaned us his trailer the past couple of years just repainted it beautifully, and we really didn't feel like we should ask to use it. With so many kids and decorations, we really couldn't guarantee a scratch-free return.
So...I'm not sure what we'll do. Our neighbor has an old hay wagon. Maybe he'll let us use it? Or we could just deocrate the sides of Rob's pick-up and pile all the kids in the back? But then how do we decorate it?
Anybody have any ideas "floating" around out there?
Did I tell you that Pathway enters a float into the parade every year? This will be our 4th parade since we moved here. The first year, Seth was only two months old. So natually, we thought, Live Nativity. (Okay, so maybe that's not the "natural" first thought the average mother of a newborn has. I think that natural first thought is, "I'll stay home with the baby." Maybe I'm not so average.) Anyway, our generator stopped working, so none of the strings of lights we painstakingly hung were lit. (Lights are kind of important in a nighttime Christmas parade.) But we did have paperbag luminaries, each filled with sand that anchored a small candle. The kids were dressed as shepherds, a couple of grownups were wisemen, a Joseph was thrown in there, and I was Mary holding a very red-headed baby Jesus, who thankfully slept through the whole parade. I was so thankful, because I didn't really have a plan B if baby Jesus was uncooperative. Oh, and we all sat on bales of hay on a trailer, pulled by a pick-up truck. So, why did I think that real candles and dry bales of hay and small children were a perfect parade combination? Thank the Lord none of the little shepherds set the float ablaze. And the luminaries were actually as charming and lovely as can be, and we won a little trophy for our float as the Chambers of Commerce Choice award. Fun. Kind of. It was FREEEZING.
The year after, we set up a little living room scene with a Christmas tree and sofa and had the families huddled together. Last year, we set up rows of chairs around a Christmas tree and the kids all held battery operated candles. We also made two signs that said, "PATHWAY," with the "T" shaped like a cross, out of Christmas lights.
This year...we have no idea.
We still have no headway into our float. Basic problem? We don't have a float. Basic solution to problem? Find a float.
The fellow who loaned us his trailer the past couple of years just repainted it beautifully, and we really didn't feel like we should ask to use it. With so many kids and decorations, we really couldn't guarantee a scratch-free return.
So...I'm not sure what we'll do. Our neighbor has an old hay wagon. Maybe he'll let us use it? Or we could just deocrate the sides of Rob's pick-up and pile all the kids in the back? But then how do we decorate it?
Anybody have any ideas "floating" around out there?
Saturday, December 1, 2007
B-b-b-b-baby, It's C-c-c-c-cold Outside!
As I type this I'm listening to ice from the heavens angrily pelting my window. It's as if the snow was in too big of a hurry to drift softly, silently to the earth, but impatiently scrunched itself up into little balls of icy mischief and threw temper tantrums from the clouds, who are floating by, shrugging their shoulders at the path of winter they've left behind.
I think winter is here. I'm praying we won't be iced out of church tomorrow.
And I have this feeling that Michigan is going to be one snowy tundra this season. We're due for a hard winter.
Lily and I did a little bit of Christmas shopping today and found the big boys' presents. I won't spoil the surprise, but snow will sure come in handy!
I have a very interesting job ahead of me tomorrow. A lawyer friend contacted me, and he is working on an ugly, brutal divorce case. The dad has been issued a restraining order from his soon-to-be ex-wife and his two young sons. However, he has been granted a supervised visitation tomorrow. He's somewhat of a flight risk, which is one of the reasons it must be supervised, in addition to having made some threats. Also, he hasn't seen his boys for 5 months. So, the person who was supposed to be supervising the visit is no longer able to...and my lawyer friend asked me if I would be able to do it! I've never done anything like this before, but I said, Sure. The whole situation is totally heartbreaking, and I know this dad is going to hate me, just because of my role. But it's my job to keep them on the premisis (What do I do if he grabs his kids and tries to run?) and to make sure the visit is safe (especially emotionally) for the kids. (No talking bad about the mom, etc.) He's coming here to the church, and as far as I know, I'll be by myself. Seems kind of weird, doesn't it?
Rob will be just across the yard at the house, so I won't be totally alone.
I'm so thankful for my husband and my family and that I'm not having to parent alone or worry about visits with the other parent, etc. God has been so gracious to us. I can't imagine what this family must be going through at this time.
Please pray for us! And for them.
I think winter is here. I'm praying we won't be iced out of church tomorrow.
And I have this feeling that Michigan is going to be one snowy tundra this season. We're due for a hard winter.
Lily and I did a little bit of Christmas shopping today and found the big boys' presents. I won't spoil the surprise, but snow will sure come in handy!
I have a very interesting job ahead of me tomorrow. A lawyer friend contacted me, and he is working on an ugly, brutal divorce case. The dad has been issued a restraining order from his soon-to-be ex-wife and his two young sons. However, he has been granted a supervised visitation tomorrow. He's somewhat of a flight risk, which is one of the reasons it must be supervised, in addition to having made some threats. Also, he hasn't seen his boys for 5 months. So, the person who was supposed to be supervising the visit is no longer able to...and my lawyer friend asked me if I would be able to do it! I've never done anything like this before, but I said, Sure. The whole situation is totally heartbreaking, and I know this dad is going to hate me, just because of my role. But it's my job to keep them on the premisis (What do I do if he grabs his kids and tries to run?) and to make sure the visit is safe (especially emotionally) for the kids. (No talking bad about the mom, etc.) He's coming here to the church, and as far as I know, I'll be by myself. Seems kind of weird, doesn't it?
Rob will be just across the yard at the house, so I won't be totally alone.
I'm so thankful for my husband and my family and that I'm not having to parent alone or worry about visits with the other parent, etc. God has been so gracious to us. I can't imagine what this family must be going through at this time.
Please pray for us! And for them.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Travels
Sadly, I have no Thanksgiving pictures to share with you today. Seth's curiosity about our camera caused him to extract the photo card, and it was still missing when we had to leave.
Our family traveled to Ohio for Thanksgiving, for the first time in the 12 years we've been married. Since our families aren't close, we are required to travel for most of the holidays, so early on in our marriage, we staked our claim on Thanksgiving as a day for us to celebrate at home. When we were first married, we were both working retail, and as you all know, no one working retail gets the Friday after Thanksgiving off. (BTW, has it always been called Black Friday? I'd never heard that term before until this year, and I heard it everywhere.) So who wants to travel all over, only to have to leave on Thanksgiving Day to return home in order to get up at unheavenly hours to work the following day? Not us. So we didn't.
And then we had kids, and I loved celebrating Thanksgiving with them. We invited people to come to our home for years, mostly college students and single friends who weren't able to travel home for Thanksgiving. This was also great fun. Some years no one comes, but I stil put out a huge spread...and then we eat turkey and stuffing and mashed potatoes...and lots of pie! for days and days afterward. It's the feast that keeps on feeding, really.
But this year, Rob's mom and step-dad moved into a much smaller house, and they were wanting to distribute some of the things they didn't need to their kids. Thanksgiving seemed the best time for us to get away, so we went.
Now usually, I spend the first weeks of November menu-planning. I LOVE to try new recipes, especially on Thanksgiving. I know, all the cooking gurus tell you never to try something new on a big holiday; stick to what you know or your're asking for disaster. Phooey, I say. There will always be turkey and gravy and mashed potatoes and pumpkin pie, so the basics aren't going to be ruined if the new recipes don't work out so well. Which has happened, but it wasn't the disaster Rachael Ray said it would be if a new recipe flopped.
This year, however, I was told to bring my broccoli salad. That's it. I almost didn't know what to do with myself. I did end up making a couple of pumpkin pies, too. Gasp, they weren't going to have any! Gotta have pumpkin pie. It's a family fav. I think the boys were more excited about the pie than anything else, so I'm glad I made them.
We had a great time with Rob's family, not all of whom were able to make it, and we christened Rob's mom's house with laughter and family and food. It's now officially Papaw and Grandma's house!
Our family traveled to Ohio for Thanksgiving, for the first time in the 12 years we've been married. Since our families aren't close, we are required to travel for most of the holidays, so early on in our marriage, we staked our claim on Thanksgiving as a day for us to celebrate at home. When we were first married, we were both working retail, and as you all know, no one working retail gets the Friday after Thanksgiving off. (BTW, has it always been called Black Friday? I'd never heard that term before until this year, and I heard it everywhere.) So who wants to travel all over, only to have to leave on Thanksgiving Day to return home in order to get up at unheavenly hours to work the following day? Not us. So we didn't.
And then we had kids, and I loved celebrating Thanksgiving with them. We invited people to come to our home for years, mostly college students and single friends who weren't able to travel home for Thanksgiving. This was also great fun. Some years no one comes, but I stil put out a huge spread...and then we eat turkey and stuffing and mashed potatoes...and lots of pie! for days and days afterward. It's the feast that keeps on feeding, really.
But this year, Rob's mom and step-dad moved into a much smaller house, and they were wanting to distribute some of the things they didn't need to their kids. Thanksgiving seemed the best time for us to get away, so we went.
Now usually, I spend the first weeks of November menu-planning. I LOVE to try new recipes, especially on Thanksgiving. I know, all the cooking gurus tell you never to try something new on a big holiday; stick to what you know or your're asking for disaster. Phooey, I say. There will always be turkey and gravy and mashed potatoes and pumpkin pie, so the basics aren't going to be ruined if the new recipes don't work out so well. Which has happened, but it wasn't the disaster Rachael Ray said it would be if a new recipe flopped.
This year, however, I was told to bring my broccoli salad. That's it. I almost didn't know what to do with myself. I did end up making a couple of pumpkin pies, too. Gasp, they weren't going to have any! Gotta have pumpkin pie. It's a family fav. I think the boys were more excited about the pie than anything else, so I'm glad I made them.
We had a great time with Rob's family, not all of whom were able to make it, and we christened Rob's mom's house with laughter and family and food. It's now officially Papaw and Grandma's house!
Monday, November 19, 2007
The Discovery
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No, Caleb didn't find a Santa suit stashed away in a bottom dresser drawer. But true to his skeptical nature, all along he suspected something was up with the big guy dressed in red.
"Mom, I don't think Santa Claus is real," he stated matter of factly last week. Gabe stood beside him, his brown eyes as big as chestnuts.
When Rob and I first got married, long before our firstborn made his entrance into our Christmases, we had a Santa Claus discussion. His position: He grew up with lovely, childhood-belief-in-Santa memories, and he wanted his kids to have that same kind of wonderment and magic at Christmastime. My position: What if once our kids figured out that Santa wasn't real, that we lied to them, they begin to question whether or not God is real before their spiritual foundation has solidified? What's more, I never believed in Santa, and I was FILLED with Christmas magic and romance, long before December hit each year.
We finally came to a compromise: we would allow our kids to believe in Santa, but we would not tell them false stories. Of course they were going to see him riding his sleigh on cartoons and Christmas movies. They would see him sitting on his throne in stores, waiting with candy canes to hold little children and listen to their wish lists. So we let our kids' imaginations grow and sparkle like magic Christmas snow. Everytime a question came up, like, "How does Santa know where I live?" we would ask them, "Well, what do you think?" And then, "That sounds like a great idea!"
Every Christmas Eve, we put out their stockings and filled them with goodies after they went to sleep. In the morning, after they delightedly dug through their sock from top to toe, we'd ask, "Where do you think all those presents came from?" "SANTA!!!" They would squeal. We would smile and ooh and ahh over the little gifts they received.
This seemed to work for us, and I never had to feel guilty about lying to them...because I didn't.
***Disclaimer: For those of you moms and dads who do tell your kids all about Santa, PLEASE don't think that I look down on you or think of you as bald-faced liars! Not at all!! This is just the plan that lets ME sleep at night! Letting them believe something that is not true is basically the same thing as telling them it is true...just passively. Remember, I'm a storyteller at heart anyway, and I don't think this really is lying after all. :o) ***
Okay, so back to last week.
"Mom, I don't think that Santa Claus is real."
"Why do you say that, Caleb?" (See how passive?)
"Well, if he had to visit all the kids in the world, he would have to sleep during the day and be awake all night. So Santa would have to be nocturnal." (Okay, I was trying REALLY hard to hold back the laughter on the nocturnal part. But it was SO hard...
"And, I don't think he could live all year on the north pole. Plus, how would he get into our house at night? If he came down our chimney, he would burn his booty, and I KNOW he doesn't have a key to our house." (Now, I'm SHAKING with laughter by this time and I have to turn away to wipe the tears from my eyes.)
"I just need some evidence," Caleb says. (Is he really only in 2nd grade?)
Caleb and Gabe are looking at me intently. They still think I have all the answers, though Caleb is starting to want to read and research for himself.
The gig is up.
"Follow me, boys," I tell them and lead them to our computer where I look up and read to them the true story of Saint Nicholas, a rich young man who loved God. He learned of a father who was about to sell his three daughters because of the family's extreme poverty. So he sneaked into their house at night and left gold coins in the girls' stockings to keep them from being sold into servitude. He did this all in secret to protect the pride of the father and so that he would receive none of the glory.
"So, Santa Claus is another way of saying Saint Nicholas. And he was a real man who gave real gifts to real people." I pause. "But Saint Nicholas lived a long time ago, and he's not alive anymore."
"Santa Claus is dead?" This from Gabe, who looks partly bewildered but partly tantalized by this dramatic turn.
"We'll see him in heaven one day, because he loved God," I told him. "But we tell the story about Santa Claus because it's fun for little kids to believe in his magic. But really, it's God's love that Santa Claus is all about. And God wants us to give to others the way that Saint Nicholas did. And we celebrate Christmas because God's love gave us the greatest gift of all."
"Jesus!" Both boys chime in.
The boys were surprisingly excited by this story, and I felt good about sharing with them the real meaning of Santa Claus, not to GET gifts or to send him their wish list, but to have a giving heart.
They walk away from the computer, satisfied, promising not to tell Seth and Lily, just yet. Because it's fun to believe in Christmas magic.
Later that evening, I find Caleb at the computer. He has found his way to ask.com. He's written, "Is Santa Real?" He wants to read it for himself.
This weekend, our town hosted its annual Christmas Open House, and there in the middle of the square was a lovely, old-fashioned, Victorian Santa, sitting in a horse-drawn carriage, waiting with candy canes for the children. Caleb and Gabe excitedly sat across from him in the carriage and chatted with him about some things they might like for Christmas. They came down with big grins, and Gabe asked, "Is he real?" I looked at him, and he answered his own question, "No, the real Saint Nicholas lived a long time ago."
But still he glowed with excitement.
Yes, Gabriel, there is a Santa Claus!
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
School Days
I haven't written too much about our homeschool time. This is our third year "officially" homeschooling. Every year I have a distinct plan that I want to follow, and so far it's never gone as I planned. In 2005, I had no idea how the adoption process and fundraising was going to consume my time. Last year, I didn't plan on the transition of adding Lily to our family being so difficult. And this year, well, I've started babysitting for a four-month-old little boy, and his kindergartener brother, whom I must pick up from school, and Lily has speech therapy that takes us away from the house eight hours a week. In addition, I'm tutorting at least 2 hours, sometimes 3 hours, a week and now leading a women's prayer group on Thursday evenings.
Never is there a day that I can sit down with my kids and "do school" for several hours in a row a day.
Now some of you may be thinking that I'm doing my school-aged kids a true disservice. And daily I DO have to evaluate how I can efficiently and effectively help them to reach their fullest potential. We do a lot of reading. We work on math and science and history. We listen to classical music and identify instruments while we're doing art. They memorize Bible verses for AWANA, and set and reach goals in a timely way. They are sociable, polite, respectful, imaginative, active, reflective, curious, hopeful, eager learners.
I think they're doing great. That is the beauty of homeschooling. Not only can I arrange my schedule around their schooling, but I can arrange their schooling around, and through, our life as a family. Family life becomes part of the classroom. Society is only as strong as its family units, and not only am I strenthening our own family, but I'm raising my children to invest in their own families and to invest in others' families as well, in addition to building their worldview in a safe, nurturing environment. Don't misunderstand: I don't want my children to be sheltered in a bubble. I want to them to observe and experience and participate in life they way that God intended. Jesus came so that we could have life and HAVE IT ABUNDANTLY. That is what we want for our kids. And that is what my goal when I approach homeschooling.
So there's a little bit of my homeschooling philosphy. Only a fraction of it, and it also changes and grows and deepens and develops as I teach my children.
Here are a few pictures I have of them doing school. We are studying ancient Egypt and learning how to tell time right now. Also, Caleb is reading a book about pioneer days. Seth and Lily are mastering their ABC's and learning some phonics...all through reading and play. And maybe Sesame Street and Dora the Explorer.
Monday, October 29, 2007
Fasnacht Family Fun Friday
My days are FULL! We have so much going on, and I'm struggling to keep you updated regularly. I decided not to feel guilty but to just do what I can.
Life is hard right now, but I'm only chronicling the good stuff. And later, maybe much later, I'll have more good stuff to share, and I'll begin it with, "Look at how God worked in this difficult situation!"
A couple of weeks ago, I felt spontaneous, and declared that day, "Fasnacht Family Fun Friday." Unfortunately the head Fasnacht still had to work without too much fun, but the kids and I spent the day thinking up as many fun things to do (cheaply) as we could.
We started off, after Lily's morning speech therapy session, heading to a state park nearby called Russ Forest. It has several trails, and we walked through the maze of paths for an hour and half!!! before we ended up at the play ground. Okay, so the last half hour of that walk was less than fun for my tired crew, but we truly enjoyed the dark, damp, earthy beauty of the autumn woods, and we scaled fallen trees, fashioned walking sticks for each of us, fought off a couple of aliens (very odd trees/stumps/clumps of earth/etc.who looked like they were up to no good) with our walking sticks-turned-swords, threw rocks into the creek, and played "Pooh sticks" off the bridge. I had forgotten my camera, so the memories of that forest adventure will have to remain burned on my heart alone.
Then we headed back home for lunch.
On the way home, I passed a sign for a lovely place called Butler's Tree Farm, and they boasted hayrides and pumpkin patches. I'd never been there before, but it's only about 2 miles from my house. We went home and ate a comforting lunch of peanut butter toast and homemade hot chocolate. Then I grabbed the camera and we headed back out to the pumpkin patch. They all loved it. Me, too.
Rob came home and we had a relaxing, enjoyable dinner. (Which is quite the accomplishment with two toddlers.) Then we watched a family movie, snuggled up together under blankets on the couch.
We all had a BLAST, and we were refreshed and rejuvenated, and Caleb and Gabe declared that Fasnacht Family Fun Friday was the best day ever, and could we please have another one next week?
Well, maybe not every Friday, but I'm definitely looking forward to the next one, too.
Russ Forest Trails Adventure: Free
Hot chocolate and peanut butter toast: Almost Free
Hayride, Pumpkin Patch, Petting Zoo, HUGE family pumpkin: $10
Movie, blankets, cuddling: Free
"Mom, this was the Best Day Ever!": Priceless
Life is hard right now, but I'm only chronicling the good stuff. And later, maybe much later, I'll have more good stuff to share, and I'll begin it with, "Look at how God worked in this difficult situation!"
A couple of weeks ago, I felt spontaneous, and declared that day, "Fasnacht Family Fun Friday." Unfortunately the head Fasnacht still had to work without too much fun, but the kids and I spent the day thinking up as many fun things to do (cheaply) as we could.
We started off, after Lily's morning speech therapy session, heading to a state park nearby called Russ Forest. It has several trails, and we walked through the maze of paths for an hour and half!!! before we ended up at the play ground. Okay, so the last half hour of that walk was less than fun for my tired crew, but we truly enjoyed the dark, damp, earthy beauty of the autumn woods, and we scaled fallen trees, fashioned walking sticks for each of us, fought off a couple of aliens (very odd trees/stumps/clumps of earth/etc.who looked like they were up to no good) with our walking sticks-turned-swords, threw rocks into the creek, and played "Pooh sticks" off the bridge. I had forgotten my camera, so the memories of that forest adventure will have to remain burned on my heart alone.
Then we headed back home for lunch.
On the way home, I passed a sign for a lovely place called Butler's Tree Farm, and they boasted hayrides and pumpkin patches. I'd never been there before, but it's only about 2 miles from my house. We went home and ate a comforting lunch of peanut butter toast and homemade hot chocolate. Then I grabbed the camera and we headed back out to the pumpkin patch. They all loved it. Me, too.
Rob came home and we had a relaxing, enjoyable dinner. (Which is quite the accomplishment with two toddlers.) Then we watched a family movie, snuggled up together under blankets on the couch.
We all had a BLAST, and we were refreshed and rejuvenated, and Caleb and Gabe declared that Fasnacht Family Fun Friday was the best day ever, and could we please have another one next week?
Well, maybe not every Friday, but I'm definitely looking forward to the next one, too.
Russ Forest Trails Adventure: Free
Hot chocolate and peanut butter toast: Almost Free
Hayride, Pumpkin Patch, Petting Zoo, HUGE family pumpkin: $10
Movie, blankets, cuddling: Free
"Mom, this was the Best Day Ever!": Priceless
November is Adoption Awareness Month
Please, please, please is there anyone out there who could bring this little girl home??? She is SO, SO cute, and look what a happy toddler she is!
Here is a little bit about this little one, born on 12/20/2004 and found on New Year's Eve in Guilin, Guanxi Province, China:
"She was found next to a lottery post near Fuli Hospital in Guilin City on December 31, 2004. Officials were unable to locate her parents and family; she was declared an abandoned infant and taken to the SWI with the permission of Guilin City Civil Welfare Office. She has been living with a foster family since April 25, 2005. She likes cartoons as well as the weekly Peking Opera program, she loves music. She loves to go out to railroad club, fresh market, supermarket, and to parks with her foster mother everyday. She loves eggs and flour products. In September 2005 she had cleft lip surgery and had her cleft palate surgery in 2006 . She can sing children songs and can count to 20 with help. She likes to meet people and loves to play outside. She eats well and sleeps well. She has normal lab tests and up to date vaccines. (Info dated 4/2/2007)"
She is listed with Christian World Adoption, and the link to her photolisting is:
http://www.cwa.org/1spn/07.9.18.htm
By the way, both Asher and Lisa have found their forever families! Hooray! Now I need to find one for this precious sweetie...
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Joy
October is one of my favorite months. I even love the way the name October rolls off the tongue into the autumn air and is then whisked away by the curt breeze along with the swirling leaves. October holds tons of birthdays for my family, including my mom, Rob, Seth, my dad, Rob's brother Ryan, our nieces Emmaly and JoAnna, and our nephew Nathaniel.
October has held her share of broken heartedness as well.
On Sunday, one of my friends passed away after a long, difficult battle with cancer. She was only 55. Yesterday was her funeral. She was a faithful believer, and I'm so thankful that she is no longer suffering. Still, we miss her.
October is also the anniversary of the deaths of my best friend and sister-in-law, Erica and her daughter, my niece, MiKayla. Eleven years ago on October 4th, God allowed a horrific car accident to take them to Himself, leaving my brother, age 18, a widower and single father to 10-month-old Ralphie. I once thought that the pain of that day would never dull, but I have to be honest...it has. God hasn't taken it away completely, nor would I want Him to. Pain helps you to remember, and I never want to forget.
What He has done is poured heaps of comfort and joy onto our hearts, renewed His promises and hope and given us great things to look forward to. Like when I get to the place God has prepared for me, after I've seen Jesus with my own eyes and touched him--I hope I'm allowed to touch him--then I have the biggest hugs and brightest smiles stored up inside me for Erica and Mikayla. We'll have a lot of catching up to do! And God brought to my brother and newphew new hope and new love and family through my sister-in-law. He is a good God.
For the longest time, October 4th was a day I loathed. Especially the first few years. I would find a newspaper article or magazine that was published before the accident, like October 1st, and think, "When this came out, Erica and Mikayla were alive." It was a long road of healing.
And then God, in His perfect wisdom and comfort, saw to it that Seth was born on October 4th, totally redeeming that day for me. Take one look at him, and you see one thing: JOY. It bubbles out of him relentlessly. Even when he is being contentious, God fills me to brimming with joy because of this child. So on his birthday every year, I don't think about what I'm missing; I think about, with great joy and gratitude, all that God has lavished on us.
Some joyful Seth stories:
***We reminded all our children yesterday that they must be very quiet at the funeral. Upon entering the building a mortician greeted us solemnly, and Seth put his finger to his lips at the man and scolded, "SHHHHHH!"
***This week Seth had to have a ECKO to monitor a heart murmur recently detected, which required him to lie still for 45 LONG minutes. The radiologist put on a movie for him and then leaned over him to adjust the electrodes attached to his chest. He stuck out a little foot and tapped her in the booty and told her, "Move!" as she was blocking the television. I was mortified. I corrected him, "No, Seth, if someone's in your way, you say, 'Excuse me, please.'" He shrugged his shoulders and said, "She already move," and went back to his movie.
***Like many toddlers, Seth points with his middle finger. recently he pointed at me with his middle finger and said, "My magic finger! Take that!" And then he waved it at me like a magic wand. (Why a magic finger? Your guess is as good as mine.") We were of course at the grocery store surrounded by parents who wonder about my personal integrity.
And this year, Seth turned 3!!! Three is so big! And boy, does Seth think he's big stuff! We had a very full day on his birthday with Lily's speech therapy and then AWANA, but I planned fun for him throughout the day, and I think he enjoyed it. It's very hard for us to have big birthday parties for our kids, because we live so far away from family and many of our friends. But I love the memories that we are creating within our family unit as well. (And hey, with this many children, every day is a party!)
Here are some images celebrating Seth:
October has held her share of broken heartedness as well.
On Sunday, one of my friends passed away after a long, difficult battle with cancer. She was only 55. Yesterday was her funeral. She was a faithful believer, and I'm so thankful that she is no longer suffering. Still, we miss her.
October is also the anniversary of the deaths of my best friend and sister-in-law, Erica and her daughter, my niece, MiKayla. Eleven years ago on October 4th, God allowed a horrific car accident to take them to Himself, leaving my brother, age 18, a widower and single father to 10-month-old Ralphie. I once thought that the pain of that day would never dull, but I have to be honest...it has. God hasn't taken it away completely, nor would I want Him to. Pain helps you to remember, and I never want to forget.
What He has done is poured heaps of comfort and joy onto our hearts, renewed His promises and hope and given us great things to look forward to. Like when I get to the place God has prepared for me, after I've seen Jesus with my own eyes and touched him--I hope I'm allowed to touch him--then I have the biggest hugs and brightest smiles stored up inside me for Erica and Mikayla. We'll have a lot of catching up to do! And God brought to my brother and newphew new hope and new love and family through my sister-in-law. He is a good God.
For the longest time, October 4th was a day I loathed. Especially the first few years. I would find a newspaper article or magazine that was published before the accident, like October 1st, and think, "When this came out, Erica and Mikayla were alive." It was a long road of healing.
And then God, in His perfect wisdom and comfort, saw to it that Seth was born on October 4th, totally redeeming that day for me. Take one look at him, and you see one thing: JOY. It bubbles out of him relentlessly. Even when he is being contentious, God fills me to brimming with joy because of this child. So on his birthday every year, I don't think about what I'm missing; I think about, with great joy and gratitude, all that God has lavished on us.
Some joyful Seth stories:
***We reminded all our children yesterday that they must be very quiet at the funeral. Upon entering the building a mortician greeted us solemnly, and Seth put his finger to his lips at the man and scolded, "SHHHHHH!"
***This week Seth had to have a ECKO to monitor a heart murmur recently detected, which required him to lie still for 45 LONG minutes. The radiologist put on a movie for him and then leaned over him to adjust the electrodes attached to his chest. He stuck out a little foot and tapped her in the booty and told her, "Move!" as she was blocking the television. I was mortified. I corrected him, "No, Seth, if someone's in your way, you say, 'Excuse me, please.'" He shrugged his shoulders and said, "She already move," and went back to his movie.
***Like many toddlers, Seth points with his middle finger. recently he pointed at me with his middle finger and said, "My magic finger! Take that!" And then he waved it at me like a magic wand. (Why a magic finger? Your guess is as good as mine.") We were of course at the grocery store surrounded by parents who wonder about my personal integrity.
And this year, Seth turned 3!!! Three is so big! And boy, does Seth think he's big stuff! We had a very full day on his birthday with Lily's speech therapy and then AWANA, but I planned fun for him throughout the day, and I think he enjoyed it. It's very hard for us to have big birthday parties for our kids, because we live so far away from family and many of our friends. But I love the memories that we are creating within our family unit as well. (And hey, with this many children, every day is a party!)
Here are some images celebrating Seth:
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
They say it's your birthday
Today is Rob's birthday.
The very first of his birthdays we celebrated together while we were "just friends," he hinted to me that Tori Amos was coming to town, and it happened to be the weekend of his birthday. I was lucky enough to score a couple of tickets, and we spent a great evening together reveling in the soul-touching beauty of live music.
I wish we could spend every one of his birthdays like that. We couldn't go back to those days of sweet, newly blossoming romance, leaning towards one another, knees touching, hearts pounding along with the piano, meeting his eyes at a particularly captivating stanza to enjoy it together, wondering what God had in store for each of us, and PLEASE, God, could it include this wonderful man beside me?
But I wouldn't for a minute trade the new, baby flower blossum of our early relationship for the gorgeous,fragrant, hardy yet delicate flower that is our marriage today. How could I have gotten so lucky to be paired forever with this guy? He is my absolute favorite person in the entire world. He is smart, funny, kind and thoughtful. He's a level-headed visionary, a foundational revolutionist and oppression's oppressor. He refuses to be told what to think or how to feel, yet his mind and heart are not proud, but humbly teachable, allowing the truth of God's Word to mold him to think and feel what God would have him to think and feel. He is a wonderful husband, an amazing father and a faithful friend. And...he's great-looking to boot. The man makes my heart sing! I thank God every day for the privilege of being his wife. (Even the days we don't see eye to eye!)
Happy Birthday, Love!
The very first of his birthdays we celebrated together while we were "just friends," he hinted to me that Tori Amos was coming to town, and it happened to be the weekend of his birthday. I was lucky enough to score a couple of tickets, and we spent a great evening together reveling in the soul-touching beauty of live music.
I wish we could spend every one of his birthdays like that. We couldn't go back to those days of sweet, newly blossoming romance, leaning towards one another, knees touching, hearts pounding along with the piano, meeting his eyes at a particularly captivating stanza to enjoy it together, wondering what God had in store for each of us, and PLEASE, God, could it include this wonderful man beside me?
But I wouldn't for a minute trade the new, baby flower blossum of our early relationship for the gorgeous,fragrant, hardy yet delicate flower that is our marriage today. How could I have gotten so lucky to be paired forever with this guy? He is my absolute favorite person in the entire world. He is smart, funny, kind and thoughtful. He's a level-headed visionary, a foundational revolutionist and oppression's oppressor. He refuses to be told what to think or how to feel, yet his mind and heart are not proud, but humbly teachable, allowing the truth of God's Word to mold him to think and feel what God would have him to think and feel. He is a wonderful husband, an amazing father and a faithful friend. And...he's great-looking to boot. The man makes my heart sing! I thank God every day for the privilege of being his wife. (Even the days we don't see eye to eye!)
Happy Birthday, Love!
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